Looking at myself in the mirror, I’m the first to admit I don’t look old. Hell, I’m still doing what I did when I was 21, but with two kids in two.
I still say the word “cool” and listen to Radio One (sometimes on low volume) and feel like I’m down with the kids.
In till recently when I a teen offered to carry my Asda bags to the car as the kids were kicking off and called me ma’am, and you know you’re old when not even the old dears ask you for ID on a Tuesday night for your favourite bottle of Pinot.
On a bad day, I start to see all those white hairs on my vag or a slight balding spot on my scalp. I can recommend NOT Googling vaginal dye by the way.
Of course, not all the changes are physical.
There are many annoying things I now do that I used to call my parents old for:
- A trip into New Look now consists of me saying “too tight, too short, too midriff baring or too many holes. What will that cover?”
- 2. You go for a run, and hurt like hell for 3 days after.
- 3. Realize that a kid born in 2000 is old enough to drive.
- 4. You get a recommendation on leggings, and rush to buy them, because Jenny’s Mum recommended them, and she wears make-up in daylight, so they must be cool.
- 5. Going shopping for yourself, then only buying clothes for the kids.
- 6. Complaining about the crap on TV, and reverting back to re-runs of Friends, because you know you like it.
- 7. Getting excited over a new cutlery divider, that actually fits.
- 8. Songs from your own childhood have been remixed. Again.
- 9. Packing slippers when you go to a friend’s house.
- 10. Feel happy when the sun is shining, and imagine how many loads of washing you can get dry today.
- 11. Skimming the magazines in the supermarket, and realizing you have no clue who anyone is anymore.
- Snapchat. Tinder. Peach? What?
- You remember when petrol was below a quid a litre.
- You get excited that you’re going round a friends later to live it up. Come 7pm you can’t be fucked to go out and would prefer to stay in and watch EastEnders.
- 99% of the parties you go to are now kid’s ones. (Ok, 100%, who am I kidding?!)
- On the rare occasions you do go out, you drive, because taxis are expensive.
- If you do catch the bus, you end up chatting to kids half your age about your own kids, and think they care.
- You get excited when people cancel plans.
- Hangovers last for 4 days.
- Technology change does your head in.
- You buy two of the same product, in the same colour, because you find it comfy.
- You wish you brought more to be honest.
- You look at those red shopping trollies that old people wheel round, and feel slight envious you don’t have one.
- Other peoples kids annoy the heck out of you.
- You buy annual passes because they are actually cheaper then keep buying a ticket every time, and feel fucking smug every time you hand the card over.
- You brag about said annual pass. A lot. And how much you save every time you go.
- You work out how much you have saved over the year, and tell everyone you can how much you’ve saved.
- Realize that feeling smug over stupid unimportant crap like an annual pass is something your mother does.
Ok, so a lot of these are me, but that can’t be an overly bad thing right? One thing I’ve realized as I’ve got older is that I’m happy just being me, if no one likes that, well then that’s fine by me.
Old is the new young, right?