I Name Thee Shit Week – Guilt From Hell

So, i’ve had a pretty shitty week.

After having my car written off last week, i forgot that its the Euros so have no man support at all apart from the grunts in my general direction and my vocal cords being stuck on “hello…will you help?” twenty four hours a day.

The Kid has done nothing but profess her absolute hatred of me all week, all because I fed her dinner on Tuesday, and it was pasta shapes not  spaghetti.

The Baby has decided that using a nappy is beneath her at the tender age of just one and takes her nappy off every chance she gets. So after another crappy day i hear “Mummy, The Baby has pooed on the sofa.”

At this point I fully understand why some species eat their young.

By Wednesday  i can’t stand the sight of The Hub ’cause he’s been at work all week talking to real people about real things while i’ve been dealing with brat no1 and screamer no2….alone….all fucking day every day!! Maybe it’s the head cold i now have, or maybe it’s my hormones but this week i don’t give a flying fuck and just want to leave adulting behind and go hide for a while.

By Thursday I was crying and swearing blue murder on the phone to my dad about shitty things that are going wrong. He was a man, and just listened to my hate.

To continue my fall from matriarch hood,  The Kid let out the loudest fart I’ve ever heard at the mother in laws then tries her best to blame it on me.

Kid:  “Your bottom is stinky mummy”

What?! It wasn’t me I swear.

Cue me trying to explain that it’s not nice to lie and that mummy’s bottom doesn’t smell……

Why the hell was she clinging to my arse anyway?!

So by Friday I was rather pissed when The Hub did what all men do best; got in late from work with a blasé attitude and headed straight to the shitter for half an hour while I continued to deal with the two wild animals swinging round my feet and the banging headache I couldn’t shift thanks to the cold.

And of course instead of fretting about his dying wife with the cold from hell he decided that he was suddenly ill too, and that its ten times worse then mine because he “has been at work all week” and “can’t just have lunch when he chooses to you know”.

So then I have the guilt.

Guilt that I haven’t fed my kids enough veg, guilt for not shagging my husband in ages, guilt that all I ate all week was pizza, ice cream and my badly made homemade cake.

 My brain is so caught up in all this guilt and shit going on that I can’t work out which event I should feel guiltier over right now.

So fuck it.

This weekend The Hub had an assessment day for work and I’ve tagged along, dumping my wayward non-sleeping kids with my ever patient mother in law who I couldn’t live without.

We need this. I need this. I need this time to clear my mind and remind myself what is really important in this world and what the hell isn’t.

And if he’s lucky. The Hub’s underused and frankly forgotten about dick can come along too.

#MatriarchsRock  #LoveLife #SelfLove

 

 

 

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9 comments

  1. This is brilliant!! Shit weeks always feel that teent tiny bit better for a rant I find!My sister is usually on the other end of mine.My sister and wine anyway!!!Enjoy the ‘time off’!

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  2. This is fricken brilliant! its just you entered my mind and wrote down what i was thinking… why do men spend so long taking a dump…i have an audience and still have to be done asap and now also get help trying to wipe my arse!!!!

    I can’t complain about the footie, daddy pig hates it so I’m the asbo mum at the moment, staying in to watch footie hehe!!! no housework or washing just football…..roooonneeeyy!!! sorry couldn’t help that! anyway sounds like you need some time away and luckily have a fab in law… just think of the awkward situations they will get her into her….hahha good luck and thank for sharing! fab post 🙂 #Chucklemums

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    1. thank you so much! Yeah, they where right little monkeys for her. The eldest was even sick all over my father in laws fav jeans! 🙂 ha, oh well, back to reality now and feeling a bit more me! Love long weekends!

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  3. Haha! All men have underused dicks don’t they? Lol – does sound like a bit of shitty week, I’ve had many a week where I have ‘had it’ too… Fingers crossed its got better! And your both feeling better too!

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