Yep, it’s true fellow Matriarchs, I’m a real catch.
Not only do i ignore the unibrow, gorilla legs and lost under the bush vagina, my darn libido has gone awol too. I just can’t be fucked to fuck if I’m honest.
PK (pre-kids) we’d be doing it like rabbits, where ever and whenever we could. Making the kids NEVER got boring. Not after scheduling the sex due to ovulation or after ten years of being together.
So why now?
I have to admit that after both kids it took us a while to get back on the bandwagon. After the kid, it took me six months to feel able and up for doing it. I mean fuck, a small human just came out of that hole, excuse me for not wanting your penis anywhere near me for a while! Number two was quickly conceived and wanted, but instantly left me with nothing for the Hub. Every time he touched me i would almost squirm inside, which made me hate myself more.
After another three months of no action, he had had enough and wanted answers. How the fuck do you tell the person you love that you just don’t want to shag them? It would be easier if I didn’t love him or fancy him, I did and still do, but just couldn’t stand the touch of him.
So I started to fantasise. About cake. Surely there’s nothing wrong with that?!
Maybe if he dipped it in cake and he let me eat cake while he did me? Would I then look forward to our monthly romps at home, trying to be quiet coz the thought of waking our spawn up feels me with dread.
I don’t have the answers. Hell, I’m putting all this down to sleep deprivation, not enough cake in my life and too much Paw Patrol.
So we keep at it and the Hub gets some lovin’ while secretly giggling each time thinking about what I’d write on my very own lost poster. Lost libido. Last seen four years ago PK. Mint condition. One male owner. Please call 078**34*9** if seen.
In the meantime, the Hub is getting it whenever he can and I’m trying to put a smile on it, but when you’ve seen every hour for the last week, stink of baby shit and just wish for a solo bath, it’s no wonder that even the quick fuck takes a back seat.
As for my libido, fuck it, I play hide and seek enough. Come find me you lazy shitbag, coz when those kids are in bed, I’m not moving my behind for nothing. No even for wine. Or cake. Okay, maybe cake.